Psychology

Destroying Old Patterns

April 23, 2011
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In a brief addendum to my last post on Addiction is Good For you, I would like to share a quote from Rollo May (1977) in his book, The Meaning of Anxiety.  This quote in one way helps to illustrate the usefulness of addiction in people’s lives.  The addiction helps to actualize the self and [...]

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Addiction is Good For You

April 19, 2011
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I’ve written before on the idea that addiction can give a person reason to look more deeply into his/her life, resolving issues, hurts, and longings previously ignored.  The person might never have honestly looked at their life.  I want to take a brief moment and spend a bit more time on this subject.  In my [...]

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Hope

April 12, 2011
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Hope doesn’t seem to be a word we use much anymore – at least I haven’t used it much and I don’t hear others using it. I hear my clients sometimes lacking hope or not being able to find hope, and I myself have recently been on a struggle to find hope. What is hope [...]

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The Unseen

December 18, 2010
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I am struck by the impact of the unseen in our lives as human beings. I spend most of my time with clients talking about aspects of themselves or their lives that cannot be pointed to while we talk. Some of those phenomenon occur internally, some in the future, and some in the more spiritual/existential [...]

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You Are Not Your Emotions

November 30, 2010
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One thing the Eastern religions have given us in the West is a perspective that we are not our emotions, that we are the part that can observe our emotions and thoughts. The West has been so consumed with Self Psychology that one can get lost in the internal, psychological world of one’s self if [...]

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Acceptance and Change

November 26, 2010
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Acceptance can be a very powerful approach or mindset to deal with suffering. It is not always about self-acceptance but overall acceptance of the way things are. This is a very Buddhist philosophy but a philosophy for anyone to adopt. The paradox in this philosophy is that once you fully accept your life, your self, [...]

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Space and Place

November 23, 2010
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An area of our lives that does not always get a lot of attention in the realms of psychology and spirituality is that of place. There is a lot of focus on relationships with others and relationship with self – a lot of focus on one’s thoughts and emotions – a lot of focus on [...]

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Emotional Sobriety

November 15, 2010

This week I wanted to share a book that can be quite helpful to those struggling to overcome addictions or to manage their more drastic emotions. Emotional Sobriety: From Relationship Trauma to Resilience and Balance by Tian Dayton, PhD, is a clearly written book about the impact of relationship trauma. Many people will have different [...]

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Coloring Outside the Lines

November 9, 2010
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“Hey, you! Yea, you! Why you trying to be so perfect? Who do you think you are anyway? Do you really think you are going to work so hard that you never let yourself or anyone else down? Do you really think anyone cares if you make a mistake? Do you really think anyone is [...]

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Boredom

October 12, 2010
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Psychologist Rollo May (1909-1994) wrote quite a bit on the issues of our existence as human beings, especially subjects such as anxiety and emptiness. In his book Man’s Search for Himself, he calls the 20th century the “age of emptiness”. Before the age of emptiness the focus was more on making a name for one’s [...]

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Anger

October 5, 2010

Anger is an interesting emotion. I would say it is widely experienced and seldom understood. Anger is often vilified by our society, especially the mental health community. We have programs for “anger management”, like it’s some out of control toddler we have to manage and not some aspect of ourselves. Anger management courses often don’t [...]

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Fear

September 21, 2010

There is not much else that gets in the way of what we want other than FEAR. Fear can be debilitating, exhausting, and down right aggravating. Many people do not usually understand what is keeping them from the things they want in life. Most of the time, it is some aspect of fear. With respect [...]

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Cultivating Being

September 14, 2010

People come to counseling for all sorts of reasons. Everyone brings with them different goals, expectations, hopes, and desired outcomes. For many people counseling is helpful and for some it is not. Some people might not even know why it was helpful, but feel that just talking to someone, going somewhere to spend an hour [...]

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We’re All Addicts

August 31, 2010

I believe a major problem in how the general public, as well as some professionals, sees addiction is that it is too narrowly defined. When we say the word “addiction” most people just think of an alcoholic or drug addict. Some might think about sex addiction or gambling, but overall we tend to only think [...]

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Love as Faculty

August 24, 2010

When we think of love and relationships what do we think of mostly? Experiencing love. Finding love. Being loved. At our deepest levels we ask ourselves, “Am I lovable?” This question can bring fear and insecurity. It can also bring selfishness. Two people in a relationship conflict often get tangled over how the other does [...]

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Looking in the Mirror

August 17, 2010

What if you are already living the life you’ve dreamed of? What if you are already the person you most admire? What if you were able to observe your whole life from the outside and you ended up being quite pleased? What if, when you compare yourself to all those “other people”, you could see [...]

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Rejuvenation

August 10, 2010

Along the lines of the title of my column, Antidotes to Emptiness, I wanted to write about one way to bring fullness to our lives. Rejuvenation. What do you do to rejuvenate? What does that word even mean? Rejuvenate: to make someone or something look or feel younger, fresher or more lively. I did not [...]

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Shell of a Man

July 6, 2010

I recently read some articles for therapists addressing the needs of men in counselling. This is an area I have been thinking about for quite some time now but it extends past the counselling office. I am concerned that as a group of species, men are lost. Society has neglected the needs of men. For [...]

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Get Out of Your Way

June 18, 2010

Who is in your way? What is in your way? Are you looking for more freedom in your life? What might that look like if you could wave a magic wand? What is your vision of health, and freedom, and vitality? Again, who or what is in your way? I would pose the answer that [...]

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Inner Peace

June 8, 2010

Peace is found, not through repressing experience, but through acceptance of whatever comes up. (Thomas Bien in his book Mindful Therapy). Most of us struggle with this concept. You might be thinking, “why would I want to accept the negative and painful feelings that come up?” Accepting and validating our own internal experience is the [...]

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