Addictions

Letting Go of Your Partner’s Addiction

November 6, 2011
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Term: I’m going to use the term “addicted relationship” to mean when one person has an addiction and the other does not. Being in a relationship with someone who has any sort of addiction can be downright exhausting and maddening.  I want to address an aspect of what happens in many relationships where addiction is [...]

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Momentum

August 22, 2011
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For people quitting addiction, one of the most difficult aspects is not the actual quitting, is not accepting they have a problem, it’s continuing to maintain that change; it’s keeping momentum. Before I get into that, I’m not saying the other two steps are not a difficult aspect of change for many people.  Deciding we [...]

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Four Noble Truths of Addiction

June 13, 2011
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Buddhism is founded upon what Siddhartha Gautama realized were the four noble truths of human existence.  I want to take those four noble truths and apply them specifically to addiction.  I have considered writing an e-book on this very topic, deepening what I am going to write here.  I’m just going to briefly touch on [...]

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Shame and Modern Thought

June 6, 2011
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One could say that a huge reason people seek therapy or struggle in life is due to some aspect of shame. Shame is a sense that something is wrong with us, that we are flawed to the core.  Guilt is about doing something wrong and shame is more about being wrong.   Now, you might say, [...]

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Feeling Stuck

May 16, 2011
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Last week I wrote about change and how we need to take action in order to change.  Sometimes change is also in how we see the world, think about ourselves, treat ourselves mentally and emotionally, and other internal psychological aspects to who we are. Whether we are trying to change something where we can take [...]

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You Have to Change to Change

May 9, 2011
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One of my favorite authors, Irvin Yalom, MD, is a psychotherapist who has written a book entitled Existential Psychotherapy. I’m sure I have mentioned him before.  He has also written a great book (amongst others) on death and death anxiety entitled Staring at the Sun.  In his book on existential psychotherapy, he addresses four major [...]

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Destroying Old Patterns

April 23, 2011
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In a brief addendum to my last post on Addiction is Good For you, I would like to share a quote from Rollo May (1977) in his book, The Meaning of Anxiety.  This quote in one way helps to illustrate the usefulness of addiction in people’s lives.  The addiction helps to actualize the self and [...]

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Addiction is Good For You

April 19, 2011
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I’ve written before on the idea that addiction can give a person reason to look more deeply into his/her life, resolving issues, hurts, and longings previously ignored.  The person might never have honestly looked at their life.  I want to take a brief moment and spend a bit more time on this subject.  In my [...]

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Addiction and Potential

January 18, 2011
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The more I work with the phenomenon of addiction, the more fascinating it becomes as an extremely dynamic coping strategy – dynamic in the sense that it can exist for subtle and unseen reasons, complicated by one’s individual psychology. It is also maddening because it keeps people in a double bind. A definition of double [...]

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Addiction in Relationships

November 20, 2010

  I work with couples that are trying to mend their relationships after or during the impact of an addiction. There is a typical dance that happens in many of these relationships that does not actually help the relationship deal with the addiction. More so, it does not help the person who is not addicted [...]

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We’re All Addicts

August 31, 2010

I believe a major problem in how the general public, as well as some professionals, sees addiction is that it is too narrowly defined. When we say the word “addiction” most people just think of an alcoholic or drug addict. Some might think about sex addiction or gambling, but overall we tend to only think [...]

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Boundaries with Addictive Behaviors

July 20, 2010

I’ve written a lot about having compassion toward those struggling with addiction and that we need to remove a lot of the moral judgment. This perspective comes mostly from the actual process of addiction, not necessarily all the behaviors that might go along with certain addictive lifestyles. Although I believe that all struggling human beings [...]

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Harm Reduction

July 13, 2010

Harm Reduction is a philosophy that is surrounded with a lot of controversy, confusion, and intrigue. What is it? What does it really mean? I would like to briefly describe my understanding of this term and how it can help our understanding and treatment of addiction. I was watching the Today Show the other day [...]

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How to See Relapse Positively

June 25, 2010

When someone struggling with addiction has a relapse it can feel like the end of the world – for both themselves and their loved ones. For most people, it feels like a huge failure, like they will never overcome this affliction. They may feel like they have let people down, even themselves. It is discouraging, [...]

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Inner Peace

June 8, 2010

Peace is found, not through repressing experience, but through acceptance of whatever comes up. (Thomas Bien in his book Mindful Therapy). Most of us struggle with this concept. You might be thinking, “why would I want to accept the negative and painful feelings that come up?” Accepting and validating our own internal experience is the [...]

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Salving Deprivation

June 1, 2010

One use for addiction in a person’s life is to fill up the emptiness. We all do many things to fill the “hole” in our lives. I have clients in addiction that do several obsessive behaviors to deal with the emptiness, whether it be drink, use drugs, shop, spend hours on the internet, sex, or [...]

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Why Counselling?

May 18, 2010

What is counselling? What goes on in a counselling session? It is just for those with real messed up lives, right? No, not true. It is just for those with “mental health” problems, right? No, not true. It is only for relationships that are close to failing, right? No, not true. You go to a [...]

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De-Dramatizing Addiction

May 11, 2010

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but much to do about addiction is very dramatic. Addicted people themselves can often be dramatic, those who treat them can be dramatic and our overall lack of knowledge about addictions makes everyone’s fears dramatic. Loved ones of people struggling with addiction know the drama. It is often associated [...]

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Chasing Pleasure

May 4, 2010

What is addiction exactly? Is it using drugs? Is it being drunk too many times in a week? Is it eating more than one should, or surfing the Internet five hours more than one should? How do we define addiction? What are we actually talking about when we say that word? Actually, the better question [...]

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